Trying to find a job that makes you happy is likely making you miserable
As an executive coach, I’ve had the honor of working with thousands of people on their careers and what I know from this front-row seat to their growth, is that the idea of finding professions that make us “happy” (instead of just finding contentment) has made most of us miserable. The trap of chasing happiness Many of us spend our lives chasing happiness, believing that this is the key to a fulfilled life. However, human emotions are inherently transient. They’re supposed to change from moment to moment. It’s impossible to feel happy all the time, and the pressure to do so leads to constant disappointment—especially in our careers. Dr. Robert Lustig, professor emeritus at the University of California, San Francisco, argues that our obsession with happiness is making us more distressed. In his book The Hacking of the American Mind, Lustig explains that society has conflated happiness, pleasure, and contentment, leading to widespread unhappiness. Our relentless pursuit of more—whether it’s more “likes” on social media, more luxury items, or a bigger promotion—activates dopamine, a neurotransmitter tied to motivation and reward. Over time, this constant chase can lead to addictive behaviors, leaving us perpetually unsatisfied. Why we need to feel more than just happiness While happiness is a good thing, it shouldn’t be our only focus. Penny Locaso, dubbed “the world’s first happiness hacker,” found that the most fulfilled people are those who allow themselves to experience the full range of human emotions—including those we often label as negative, such as sadness, anger, and fear. Suppressing challenging emotions like grief or frustration can cause us harm because it prevents us from processing the full human experience. And when we suppress one feeling, we often end up denying its opposite, too. This ability to feel the full range of emotions is known as emodiversity. And research shows that people who experience a wider range of emotions report lower levels of depression, fewer doctor visits, and lower medical costs. When we’re unwilling to look at the fullness of our experience (the good and the challenging) we seek highs no matter the cost. The expense is usually our authenticity, truth and being present with what is. We think the destination will make us happy versus being with what the journey has to offer in the current moment. This way of thinking only leads to suffering. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Suffering needs time. It cannot survive in the now.” I take this to mean that usually, we feel the most suffering when we either dwell on the past or worry about future outcomes, rather than allowing ourselves to be completely present in the moment we’re in. Fully feeling and processing both the highs and the lows of life, versus focusing on happiness alone, helps us engage more honestly with our ambitions and goals. Eastern philosophy and contentment as a state of being While Western culture is preoccupied with happiness, many Eastern traditions prioritize contentment as the ultimate goal. Dr. Daniel Cordaro, founder of the Contentment Foundation, studied 5,000 years of human philosophy and 200 years of scientific research. He discovered that while the concept of happiness appears rarely in ancient wisdom traditions, the idea of contentment shows up over 90% of the time. In these traditions, contentment is described as “unconditional wholeness,” a state of being that isn’t dependent on external circumstances. This notion of unconditional wholeness allows us to engage with our ambitions in a more meaningful way. Instead of chasing external markers of success—like titles, awards, or pay raises—to feel whole, we recognize that our wholeness comes from within. And when we approach life from this place of inner contentment, we can be fully present, appreciating the moment. This isn’t to say that we can’t be ambitious—in fact, my clients are some of the most ambitious people I know. You likely deserve that pay raise and promotion. However, orienting our lives around contentment versus happiness means we honor our growth and desire to unfold, while also feeling whole with what is. It allows us to pursue our ambitions from a place of completeness rather than lack. When we approach life from this perspective, we can set goals that align with our values and purpose, instead of goals that come from our feelings of not-enoughness. By cultivating contentment, we empower ourselves to live more fully in the present while remaining open to all the future holds. Instead of relying on transient feelings of happiness, we can experience the richness of life—and ambition—from a place of stability, peace, and fulfillment.
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As an executive coach, I’ve had the honor of working with thousands of people on their careers and what I know from this front-row seat to their growth, is that the idea of finding professions that make us “happy” (instead of just finding contentment) has made most of us miserable.
The trap of chasing happiness
Many of us spend our lives chasing happiness, believing that this is the key to a fulfilled life. However, human emotions are inherently transient. They’re supposed to change from moment to moment. It’s impossible to feel happy all the time, and the pressure to do so leads to constant disappointment—especially in our careers.
Dr. Robert Lustig, professor emeritus at the University of California, San Francisco, argues that our obsession with happiness is making us more distressed. In his book The Hacking of the American Mind, Lustig explains that society has conflated happiness, pleasure, and contentment, leading to widespread unhappiness. Our relentless pursuit of more—whether it’s more “likes” on social media, more luxury items, or a bigger promotion—activates dopamine, a neurotransmitter tied to motivation and reward. Over time, this constant chase can lead to addictive behaviors, leaving us perpetually unsatisfied.
Why we need to feel more than just happiness
While happiness is a good thing, it shouldn’t be our only focus. Penny Locaso, dubbed “the world’s first happiness hacker,” found that the most fulfilled people are those who allow themselves to experience the full range of human emotions—including those we often label as negative, such as sadness, anger, and fear. Suppressing challenging emotions like grief or frustration can cause us harm because it prevents us from processing the full human experience. And when we suppress one feeling, we often end up denying its opposite, too.
This ability to feel the full range of emotions is known as emodiversity. And research shows that people who experience a wider range of emotions report lower levels of depression, fewer doctor visits, and lower medical costs. When we’re unwilling to look at the fullness of our experience (the good and the challenging) we seek highs no matter the cost. The expense is usually our authenticity, truth and being present with what is. We think the destination will make us happy versus being with what the journey has to offer in the current moment.
This way of thinking only leads to suffering. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Suffering needs time. It cannot survive in the now.” I take this to mean that usually, we feel the most suffering when we either dwell on the past or worry about future outcomes, rather than allowing ourselves to be completely present in the moment we’re in. Fully feeling and processing both the highs and the lows of life, versus focusing on happiness alone, helps us engage more honestly with our ambitions and goals.
Eastern philosophy and contentment as a state of being
While Western culture is preoccupied with happiness, many Eastern traditions prioritize contentment as the ultimate goal. Dr. Daniel Cordaro, founder of the Contentment Foundation, studied 5,000 years of human philosophy and 200 years of scientific research. He discovered that while the concept of happiness appears rarely in ancient wisdom traditions, the idea of contentment shows up over 90% of the time. In these traditions, contentment is described as “unconditional wholeness,” a state of being that isn’t dependent on external circumstances.
This notion of unconditional wholeness allows us to engage with our ambitions in a more meaningful way. Instead of chasing external markers of success—like titles, awards, or pay raises—to feel whole, we recognize that our wholeness comes from within.
And when we approach life from this place of inner contentment, we can be fully present, appreciating the moment. This isn’t to say that we can’t be ambitious—in fact, my clients are some of the most ambitious people I know. You likely deserve that pay raise and promotion.
However, orienting our lives around contentment versus happiness means we honor our growth and desire to unfold, while also feeling whole with what is. It allows us to pursue our ambitions from a place of completeness rather than lack. When we approach life from this perspective, we can set goals that align with our values and purpose, instead of goals that come from our feelings of not-enoughness.
By cultivating contentment, we empower ourselves to live more fully in the present while remaining open to all the future holds. Instead of relying on transient feelings of happiness, we can experience the richness of life—and ambition—from a place of stability, peace, and fulfillment.
