How to grow at work when your manager won’t give you feedback
“I have no idea if this is what they want me to do. I barely get any feedback.”
This is a statement I often hear from leaders in my coaching calls, even those at a senior level.
When these leaders were early in their careers, there was more frequent guidance and coaching on what success looked like for them and if their work met expectations. However, research by Amy Edmondson shows that the higher you rise in an organization, the less feedback you tend to receive, which can make it feel like you’re losing reassurance. In coaching calls with my clients, we often discover how reliant they were on their leader’s affirmation, and that this recognition served as motivation.
In addition to getting less feedback from leaders, as your level of influence increases, transparency can decrease. Authority bias can take over as direct reports put their leaders on a pedestal and withhold critical feedback, assuming that their leader knows best or fearing the repercussions of sharing a divergent opinion.
As you rise, there are simply fewer people in the organization who can guide you on your next steps. Here are some strategies you can leverage to get better feedback at work.
ASK FOR ADVICE INSTEAD OF FEEDBACK
People sometimes hesitate to give feedback, but most people love giving advice. A phrase I often use is this: “I’d love some advice on what I can try next time to make this meeting agenda clearer and more actionable for our group.” Recent research finds that framing the ask as advice rather than “feedback” helps reviewers focus on future-oriented, tangible suggestions instead of only dwelling on past performance.
NURTURE PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
To create an environment where your team feels comfortable sharing advice or feedback, you can model vulnerability (this signals that it’s safe for others to take interpersonal risks). You can also explicitly invite input and questions from everyone (for instance, “What could we improve here?”) and respond in ways that reinforce openness (like thanking people for their honesty). In addition, you can also call out where you saw yourself needing improvement. This might sound like, “I noticed I started rambling at the end of that meeting. Where could I have shortened my message for better clarity?”
AVOID VAGUE QUESTIONS
Vague requests, like asking, “How can I improve this?” can lead to insubstantial or equally vague responses. Instead, focus on clearly defining your goal and ask for advice on how to do a better job reaching that goal. For example, instead of saying, “I want to improve my presentation skills,” you can instead lead with, “I want to improve my presentation flow for clarity and brevity.”
It can also be helpful to set the purpose before you make the request. This means sharing why you want the feedback (for example, to be more influential in asking for resources for our team) and how you’ll use it. This can help people frame their thoughts in a way that moves you closer to your goal. If they have a shared interest in your outcome, this also incentivizes them to give you helpful input.
BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT YOUR CIRCLE
Leaders often end up surrounded by similar perspectives (people who think like them or report to them), which reduces the likelihood of honest challenge. If your current circle is limited, try exploring your industry or professionally affiliated groups. Because of the shared common interest in the type of work you do, this is a great place to foster connection. You can do this by participating in conferences, meet-ups, or even online forums. Ask them to challenge your viewpoints or provide evidence from their experience that contradicts your viewpoints.
As you rise in the organization, your relationships with your colleagues to get work done can also be just as important as the relationship with your leader. This is especially true at executive levels when you often need resources from your peers’ teams to accomplish your own projects. To nurture these relationships, you can schedule recurring 1:1s with peers that allow them to also raise topics of importance. Another great way to build these relationships is to set up collaborative coworking sessions where advice naturally flows as you work alongside them.
As you gain more visibility, seniority, and decision-making ownership in your organization, feedback will flow differently to you. You have to cultivate it intentionally, with clarity and from a new circle of sources.
